Part 1: The Overdue Reaction

#YesAllWomen Guest Post MeToo Personal Story

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING 

This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

 

Picture this:

A young girl, only 15

So wrapped up in school, her friends, and her family

She forgot to think about herself.

 

She spent the late hours of the night searching for answers to the question that had been on her mind all week.

Was it rape?

She didn’t want to think about that,

She didn’t want to answer that,

But she couldn’t help it.

And then she found her answer.

Another woman had gone through the same thing

But as an adult.

The young girl began to cry.

After almost 3 months it all hit her,

She finally realized what had actually happened to her.

She cried for hours, not knowing what to do.

 

She replayed that day in her mind.

She enjoyed some parts,

But that’s not what first came to mind.

She remembered telling him she was tired,

She remembered telling him to stop doing something

She remembered he grabbed her wrist

She remembered he said it was okay and that he would just do it less

She remembered he didn’t stop completely until she had said stop way too many times.

She was too tired to protest,

And it wasn’t like she completely opposed what he was doing,

So she simply let it happen,

But the whole time she was waiting for it to be over.

 

She had read books about rape victims before,

She was well educated on the topic,

She never wanted to have to have to go through something like that,

But she did

And she blamed herself for what happened to her.

She could have just said no.

Because she didn’t want to have sex that day,

Even though they had done it before.

But she didn’t say anything

Until it was too late.

 

She never properly reacted,

She had so many other things going on at the time, she never thought about it in depth.  

So she was overwhelmed with emotions the night she finally reacted to being violated.

She had been depressed all week with flashbacks of that day creeping into her mind.

She hadn’t been able to cry because she didn’t know why she wanted to cry.

But the night when it hit her she cried enough for the entire week.

She felt used,

Stupid,

Worthless,

Alone.

 

It was 1 in the morning and she was emotionally exhausted,

So she lay in bed trying to fall asleep

But then she realized she was laying in the exact same spot on her bed where he had…

She had a panic attack.

She couldn’t breathe,

Tears were streaming down her face and she had no control over them,

She felt incredibly uncomfortable,

So she jumped out of her bed.

She realized she couldn’t sleep in her bed that night

So she slept in another bed down the hall from her room,

While her dog curled up against her and stayed by her side through the night.



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